My friend Steve Mattus released a video  recently that really touched me.

It reminded me how powerful it is to show up real and uncut. 

I’ve been hiding, scared to show up and talk about business related stuff because I’m not CLEAR on the direction my business is moving in. 

So I’ve been completely silent ….

I feel like I have nothing to say about my current business, but don’t yet know what my new direction and message will be.

So I’m stuck in limbo – halfway between and not serving anyone. 

But Steve’s words reminded me that it’s important to show up anyway and speak what’s on my mind and in my heart, just in case it helps someone else going through something similar. 

It feels very vulnerable to admit I’m not clear, because that means I don’t have it all together. 

All around us on social media we see ‘polished’ representations of how things are, we see that everything’s neat and tidy and ‘together’, so I feel ashamed to admit that I don’t have it all together and at the moment things feel very messy. 

I feel that I’m not setting a good example of how to ‘be’ in business at the moment. 

 

I’m in transition…

 

Like a snake shedding it’s skin – at the moment I feel all patchy and dry and peeling (not smooth and shiny like I feel I ought to be). 

But I guess if this is a reflection of the ‘real’ and the ‘now’ and the ‘this is it at the moment’ – then this is a good example of how things are ‘for me’.

Normally my blogs are carefully crafted, with steps that readers can follow, so they deserve the label of ‘practical and useful’. 

So I’ve been avoiding writing at all – I felt that if I spewed out stuff that isn’t ‘polished’ then that makes me look very unprofessional. 

It touches on my feelings of ‘unworthiness’..

If I’m not professional then that makes me unworthy of speaking, and being heard by people who are professional. 

What is ‘professional’ anyway? 

People are people,  and humans first and foremost. 

And

“all living creatures are worthy of love and belonging … including me.”

So here I am writing anyway…

I decided to break my own rule, and write even if it turns out to be rubbish. 

My voice will shrivel up and disappear if I don’t use it. 

I’ve written before about what it’s like to keep my truth hidden.

I can already feel my throat dry and croaky from lack of use. 

“Use it or lose it”, they say. 

Well I don’t want to lose my voice. 

I know that underneath this chaos and turmoil and fogginess, is a deep clarity just waiting to emerge. 

I know I need to talk, to express, to voice, – to clear away the cobwebs and let some light into those dusty corners. 

I know the light will bring me clarity.

So here it is, raw and uncut. 

I write this in the sincere hope that if you’ve ever felt unworthy of speaking up, 

if you’ve ever felt that you don’t have anything of value to say, 

if you’ve ever stopped yourself from speaking or writing because it’s not good enough, 

then you’ll find comfort and reassurance in these words. 

 Photo by Dan Gold on Unsplash

Over to you:

Do you ever find yourself holding back?  What could be a teeny step to voicing what’s in your heart and mind?

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