From the outside you’d think my life is pretty calm and stress-free. I live in a beautiful area in rural Scotland. Nature surrounds me. I have woodland trails on my doorstep. There’s open fields and fresh country air filled with birdsong. But I often can’t focus, or function well to do things I need to do.
When I come back from taking the dog for a walk, I have my morning routine that should make settling down easier. But things often don’t go to plan.
I boil the kettle to make a flask of fruit tea, and after warming up the flask, I leave the teabag in to steep. Meanwhile I go to my office and have a quick look at my emails. Then I remember that I’ve left the flask with the teabag still in. So I go back to the kitchen, take out the bag and bring the flask back to my desk. Then I remember I’ve left my notepad in the kitchen, so I have to go back again and retrieve that.
While I’m in the kitchen, a couple of things pop into my head that I *must* add to my Reminders app. I know that if I don’t write these things down straight away they’ll disappear into thin air: 1) Check I’ve added “chimney sweeping” to next years House Maintenance list. 2) Reminder to buy some bigger turnbuckles for my loganberry support wires. But then I decide to take a quick look on Amazon to find out which ones I should buy…… and another 20 mins has flown by!
The truth is my brain is frazzled and jittery in the mornings. And if you relate to my story, yours probably is too.
We need to reclaim calm and focus in our days to get things done.
My morning walk should be calming and soothing, but here I am struggling to focus.
I was chatting to a freelancer friend who told me she leaves her phone in another room while she’s working. It occurred to me that my phone is in my hand or within arms length for most of my waking hours. She works from home like me, so how does she manage to leave her phone alone?
I was curious to see what would happen if I tried to do that.
On Day 1, I leave my phone in the kitchen, so I can’t see it or touch it until the end of the working day. It was hard. It felt weird that I couldn’t look at all the Notes and Reminders I’ve got set up. I kept thinking about it. I kept reaching for it but it wasn’t there.
Day 2 was easier but still uncomfortable. I remembered I don’t have it, and spent less time thinking about it.
Day 3 I had a relapse because I sneaked a look at it at lunchtime. I noticed a missed call that I should have dealt with, and that sent my brain into a spin. But by the end of the week I realised once I set it down in the kitchen, I’m not thinking about it anymore.
Now I don’t have it next to me all the time I can see how harmful my habit was. Whenever I got bored or distracted, I’d lift up the phone. I’d check the weather, or my email, or what reminders I have coming up. Then I’d put it down again, but repeat it a short time later. Having the phone sitting next to me – it was like a magnet. And when I wasn’t engrossed in something it would draw me in. Almost demanding that I pick it up. Looking at my phone did not help me to feel calm or focussed. It was a brain-and-time-sucking distraction.
Why is it so hard to leave our phones alone?
It’s because all these apps are designed to keep us hooked! Even the ones that help you organise your day so you can be calm. They all have popup messages or little reminders, and we’re addicted to those dopamine hits. And by the end of the day you end up feeling more stressed.
Our brains are very suggestible. If you have anxiety, or depression or poor executive function, then it takes much more energy to stay on task. And then looking at your phone all the time makes it 10 x worse. If you’re sensitive like me, you take things on from your environment. I realised that the images I see on Facebook or my News app get lodged in my brain without my consent. And once that happens it’s hard to get them out. I used to think about those things as I took the dog for a walk after breakfast. I didn’t see the birds and the trees and the beautiful views. My head was full of those images. And I don’t have control over that. It’s quite frightening how it happens.
Maybe looking at news apps or social media does the same to you?
I realised I’d been filling my brain with cr&p that is of no benefit to me whatsoever. And I was doing that ALL.THE.TIME.
Madness!
But we don’t realise it’s happening. We’re bombarded with digital detritus and we don’t notice what it’s doing to us.
Well I’ve woken up now. And I’ve taken back some of my choice and control.
I didn’t realise what a huge difference this would make in helping me regain calm.
Leaving my phone in the kitchen while I go sit at my desk has been a game changer! I’m calmer. More centred. I don’t feel I’m being pulled away from myself. I can’t tell you what a relief it is.
Your phone subconsciously demands your precious attention. You can choose whether to give it. If you’re feeling distracted, frazzled and wondering what you can do to regain your calm. Try this: Turn off notifications and put your phone on silent, then leave it in a different room. Try it for one week and see what happens.
Now that I’ve had this detox, I still sometimes find myself at the end of the day looking at the apps on my phone. Moving from one to the other.
But the difference is that now I notice I’m doing it. And I can choose to stop when I want to.
We can all regain this choice and freedom. And enjoy feeling more calm. I challenge you to try it and let me know how it goes!