Do you sometimes feel isolated or lonely, yet feel there’s nothing you can do about it, because the ‘normal’ connection solutions don’t apply to you?
“If you’re feeling lonely, you should join a group or a class,” they say.
“Invite a friend round for a meal” ….
That’s all very well, but what if you don’t have close friends?
What if you normally avoid groups because you get overwhelmed with the noise and busyness?
You might pretend that you’re not lonely, or not even realise that the word applies to you …
Feeling ‘different’ has come to mean that you must stay on the outside. Yet disconnection and loneliness seep under the doorway of your heart, and gradually edge closer, as you battle to stay one step ahead.
When we’re feeling isolated, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking negatively about ourselves.
We might think that our ‘lack’ is because we can’t connect with others on their terms. Yet what if you could consider that
“Lasting love and connection begins with yourself.”
Have you ever gazed at sunflowers growing?
Aren’t they beautiful magnificent flowers!?
Do you know the sunflower has very deep roots for absorbing intense nourishment from the soil, and so that these roots can support its great height when fully grown. It grows very slowly, taking as long as it takes to grow tall and strong.
It doesn’t care that the other flowers are rapidly blossoming all around it, bobbing and dancing merrily in the breeze.
The sunflower basks in the sunshine and always grows towards the light. Only when it’s fully nourished will the sunflower finally open.
And what happens when the flower opens ?
Yep, it attracts bees and other insects (and people!), who can take nourishment from it. The sunflower doesn’t have to do anything but be itself, and when fully nourished it will naturally attract connection from other creatures.
So perhaps like the sunflower, the key to being able to connect with others is to be fully nourished, so you can be open to connection on your own terms.
Lasting love and connection begins with yourself.
How do you find the light that nourishes you?
1) Give yourself permission to do MORE of the things that you like to do
Even if other people don’t enjoy them.
Make a list! Have a think and list all the things that you enjoy doing, (including the things that you used to do when you were younger, but don’t seem to do anymore).
You can be creative here, and maybe even a little silly! Bringing out your playful side is a great way to nourish the younger part of you!
2) Give yourself permission to do LESS of the things that really stress you out.
Start becoming conscious of what these are; again, it might be helpful to write a list of the things you hate, or that make you uncomfortable.
And allow yourself to be honest – even if think you *ought* to enjoy certain things. If you really don’t, then that’s useful information. Only you can know how you really feel.
3) Be kind to yourself; when you’ve experienced a situation that was tough.
Imagine you just gave a talk that didn’t go down well. Instead of beating yourself up because you did so ‘badly’, be kind to yourself. Speak to yourself as if you were talking to a friend (you wouldn’t be mean to a friend would you?!)
The world needs you, exactly as you are!
That’s the ultimate truth, and when you operate from a place of nourishment and deep connection with yourself, you can feel a sense of safety and ‘rightness’ about the way you are in the world. I’ve written more about my own experience of this here.
From that place, you can approach connection with others not from a sense of ‘lack’, but from a genuine sense of wholeness, ‘real-ness’ and giving.
When you find a way to bring your ‘aliveness’ into the world, in a way that fits who you are, everyone wins.
So just like the sunflower, you can take a long time to nourish yourself deeply, absorbing the light from all the different sources that are available to you.
Then when you’re ready, you can blossom in your own way, and naturally attract other living things to you, because you’re radiantly you!
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